Dance and Die
by Flashraven
Summary: Iris learns the fun and hard way what it's like to be the Mary Sue of the Arrowverse (NOT for West-Allen shippers)


**A special one-shot to celebrate the now one year long friendship between me and my big best friend, fellow author and inspiror for a good number of the big stories I now have going on at the moment, Aragorn II Elessar, which all kick-started with A threat ended, his one-shot alternative to all the Flash 5x14 Cicada deep shit (sorry if it's a couple of days overdue from the real celebration day, pal, lol).**

**I will confess I originally planned on Miss Fefe Smoakey being in this too, but thanks to brother Aragorn, I've corrected that, as she did become likeable again as a character towards the end of Arrow, and so am sticking with just the number one unchanged in the slightest worst female letter downer in the whole Arrowverse, Ms SOS (Sack of Shit) Iris West-Allen, and you know what, very rightfully so as well.**

**This is set after the disgusting Barry/Iris argument in Flash 5x19, and is pure humour and fun, so hopefully I hope you all enjoy it. I do not own Flash or any of its characters nor any of the other movie and TV show characters who will star in it, a very special real life person will also star**

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Iris let herself in at the West house, still seething inside at Barry for what he done with Nora, their daughter, and turned as she closed the door.

"Those was some mighty not quite so nice words you and Mr Barry just exchanged, Miss West." Iris whirled round and saw a man with long greyish white hair and a thick walrus style moustache, dressed in a longcoat, trousers and shirt of different shades of grey, dark boots, a brownish red neck scarf and tan coloured stetson hat, a brown leather holster with a Colt Single Action Army revolver in it displayed on the front of his belt, standing in front of her. A jackrabbit sat on his left shoulder.

"Who the hell are you?" Iris demanded.

"Oh lord. Boy, has she got a mouth on her, eh, Lee?" the jackrabbit spoke in actress Kathy Bates' voice, completely shocking Iris.

The man removed his hat in a gesture of politeness. "I do beg pardon," he said, his voice deep and resonant, that of a Texan, "Lee Scoresby." He gestured with a sideways nod of his head to the jackrabbit, "This old gal is Hester." Hester bowed her head sideways and winked, a jackrabbit style of greeting.

"You still haven't explained what the hell-" Iris began.

"I think you'll find me and Hester ain't the only two who want a few words with you, Miss West," Lee said as he placed his hat atop his head again, not bothering at all to address her as West-Allen, much to Iris's annoyance.

"Indeed so, Scoresby," a deep growly voice now spoke from the living room area. Iris hurried in and froze in her tracks at the sights before her, unable to keep the shock out of her face.

Several people awaited her- a woman with long curly dark hair, dressed in a purple coloured diaphanous pre-Raphaelite era gown, her right arm and feet bare; a eleven year old ginger red haired girl in a ruffle necked light blue long sleeved dress, with tree branch and leaf patterns on the bottom part, and white sneakers; the actor Sir Ian McKellen himself, dressed in a black suit and leather shoes with rainbow coloured laces, school tie, a pale blue t-shirt and long pink scarf, with several beaded bracelets on his right wrist; a young man with long dark shoulder length curly hair, wearing a black leather jacket with a police badge clipped to it, plain red t-shirt, blue jeans and red and white converse with white laces, dark sunglasses and a strip of red cloth tied round his head, and Tatsu Yamashiro, wearing a maroon croptop, army green cargo shorts, brown leather knee high laced boots and black fingerless gloves, sat in his lap, arms around his neck; a second young lad, an Indian, his t-shirt displaying "Anyone who don't love or even know the world of Lord of the Rings and Tolkien don't know just what they're missin'" on the front; and last of all, and to Iris's even mega shock, a great white bear, his head, neck, back and stomach protected by a wonderous suit of armour. The girl in the blue dress sat atop his back, cradling a small wildcat in her arms. The woman was standing, the two lads and Sir Ian sat together on the sofas, the Indian boy next to Ian.

Iris looked to the woman in the purple gown as Lee Scoresby and Hester now joined them. "Eva Green?" she asked, still shocked.

The woman shook her head. "My name is Serafina Pekkala, clan-queen of the witches of Lake Enara," she corrected Iris. She looked towards the armoured bear, "This is-"

"Iorek. Iorek Byrnison," the bear answered in his deep voice, that of Sir Ian himself, "King of the Ice-Bears of Svalbard."

"I'm Lyra. Lyra Belacqua," the girl in the blue dress spoke in a hard voice, looking right at Iris with a very cross expression. She nodded to the wildcat in her arms, "This is Pan. Pantalaimon."

"Howdy," Pan greeted in former Charlie and the Chocolate Factory actor Freddie Highmore's voice.

"You may of course recognize the famous man who very generously gifted me with my voice for The Golden Compass film," Iorek said, looking towards Sir Ian, who nodded and smiled.

"I'm not just greatly famous as Gandalf the Wizard in the Tolkien universe and as Erik Lehnsherr aka Magneto in the X-Men franchise, you know, dear Iris," Sir Ian said, and patted the Indian lad's shoulder with a hand, "I'm here on personal invitation from this great young chap, who very proudly bears the name of Middle Earth's great king as his name on Fanfiction, the site on which I've had the lovely privilege to learn he has earned the title of greatest author of all time, the king even, himself for all the truly amazing stories, crossovers and one-shots alike, he has produced ever since he started out properly with his Devil and the Archer project two years ago." He looked over to the young man in the leather jacket and sunglass, "Courtesy of you, I believe, right, young Max?"

Flashraven, or Max, as that was of course his real name, nodded. "Right there, Sir Ian," he said, earning a smile from Tatsu. "And you earned it fully with your story Heroes Stand United, didn't you, Aragorn my man?"

The Indian lad, Aragorn II Elessar, smiled himself now. "And it still means so much to me for you rewarding me that, bro," he said. Serafina, Lee, Tatsu, Sir Ian and Lyra all nodded their agreement, Iorek just growling in his own acknowledgement.

"Excuse me, but will someone please explain just what the hell you are all doing here, huh?" Iris demanded, bringing them back to reality.

Max, holding Tatsu bridal style, enjoying every second of her arms around his neck, her head snuggled close to his even as she now removed his sunglasses from his face, stood up. "The reason we're all here is you, Little Miss Mary Sue Iris," he said in a dangerous voice.

"You can't call me-" Iris began but Iorek gave a small roar, cutting her off and causing her to back off in fright.

"Oh we have every damn right to call you that, you piece of poisonous creativity," Aragorn said, now standing up himself and joining Serafina and Lee, Lyra's face more icy than ever, her eyes glaring.

"There are a whole lot of things that you have brought upon yourself that have made our two young friends and their fellow story site pals real cross indeed, Miss West," Lee pointed out.

"Says who?" Iris pouted at him.

"Well lets see," Lyra spoke, feigning thought and then remembrance as she began, "How about all that you did in Flash season 1 for starters? Like trying to sabotage Barry's relationship with your fellow journalist colleague Linda Parker, one of five extremely correct woman choices he would be very happy in love with, the others being of course Patty, Kara, Felicity and Caitlin."

Lee looked to her and smiled. "Very nicely pointed out there indeed, Miss Lyra," he said, Lyra smiling back.

"And then blaming Mr Allen and your own father Joe West for when Eobard Thawne took your boyfriend and hopeful fiance Eddie Thawne when it wasn't even their fault," Serafina took over, "And when Dr Snow even told you that Barry felt really bad for lying to you when he and Detective West promised between them to keep you in the dark in order to keep you safe, your response, and very vindictively at that, was 'He should'." Serafina shook her head, "That is the behaviour of someone who behaves as if she is Barry's mistress or something."

"If they had looped me in on just what the hell was going on at the time, then maybe I could've prepared for it all, instead of being lied again and again numerous times to my goddam face," Iris lashed out in vain defense.

"Worthless," Iorek barked out loudly.

"At least Felicity started out as a very good tolerable character in the first two seasons of our show Arrow," Tatsu said, displaying her own full defiance, "Before of course the big fat beared oafish piece of work with the name Guggenheim totally made her go downhill for four whole seasons, but now she's back to some decent enough likeness levels at least. You on the other hand..." she jabbed a finger in Iris's direction, "...have behaved like a total piece of unbearable trash from the very start, almost from the very first episode you made your appearance on the Flash show."

Now Sir Ian stood up, coming to Serafina's side. "And what about in Flash season 2, when you took so long to even think about telling your father about your own brother Mr Wally West, Kid Flash I believe he's also called?" he said, his voice calm but just as much harshly.

"And then there's your number 3 season," Lee spoke again, his eyes boring into Iris's, looking right into them, "If I recall correctly, that was the starting point of you becoming just who you are now, Miss West. Mr Barry turned his own very back on Mr Ramon and Dr Snow, his best friends, the two people who care very much about him as much as your father, and became so blind to the fact that he focusing his whole attention on you without seemingly a care in the world." He shook his head, "For seven months, you just stood back and let him make his friends think he didn't care one bit in the world about them while he focused all his attention on you."

"All that is is proof beyond any doubt that you only care about wanting Barry for yourself, not about him and his relationship with his friends," Serafina spoke again herself, "As long as you had him, you were satisfied, end of. It didn't matter how he treated everyone else as long as you were together."

"Well it very much matters to us what your naughty business has caused, ya naughty girl," Hester said.

"I know Barry, OK?" Iris pleaded desperately, "I know him better than anyone."

"Oh, lay it off, will ya?" Aragorn Elessar said, rolling his eyes and shaking his head in total exasperation.

"If you did that, then you would have known that something was wrong, that Barry was acting differently than how he should have been towards Cisco and Caitlin," Iorek said, "As Serafina says, you don't love him at all, just the idea of him."

"And let's go into when you broke it off with Barry simply by showing off your finger without your, no, _his_, ring, the ring which belonged in his family for three generations, on it," Pantalaimon now spoke again for the first time, "And you did that after he saw your own brother be trapped in the Speed Force and get a brutal beating by Savitar."

"And just what the hell were you even thinking of with that video message to Barry in 3x22 when you thought you were gonna be killed by Savitar, eh?" Max pouted, "Come on, speaking those wedding vows and accepting Barry as your husband? Did you even stop to consider or even damn well think of what would've really happened if Barry saw that message? He'd've been depressed forever and never ever have moved on from you."

"I shared with Max the last time we spoke, and he did misunderstand it at first but then when I re-explained it he got the picture, of when someone on the Internet shared with everyone that when his brother's fiancee died of a disease, she left him a message telling him to move on eventually with someone else and even joked that if he didn't move on from her, she would return as a ghost to haunt him in a bad way," Aragorn added. He shook his head, disgust on his face, joined in it by Serafina, Lyra, Sir Ian and Lee. Iorek growled even more.

"Seriously, if you knew you were gonna die, wouldn't you want your lover to eventually move on from you one day?" Tatsu finished it off, "After half a year or one year or two years? But you'd want 'em to move on, right, be happy and not mope about you forever?" She shook her own head, "You, Iris, really are extremely capable of doing absolutely nothing but do extremely disgusting things, like that for just another example."

"H.R helped me," Iris said desperately, "He took my place and sacrificed himself so that I could-"

"And what about during season 4, both at the start following when Barry went into the Speedforce to save the world from being destroyed by it, and then during the episodes he was in Iron Heights thanks to your old friend Clifford Devoe framing him, huh?" Lyra spoke again, Pan changing into a moth as she opened her arms, allowing him free, and then folding them across her chest, her own pouty expression now coming upon her face, Pan landing on her shoulder and then changing into a brown and white ermine, "Who gave you the rights to take leadership of Team Flash when you have no qualifications whatsoever, calling all the shots that rightfully belong to a very qualified person like Cisco to do so, and not even wanting to get Barry out of the Speedforce in the first place at that?" Lyra shook her head again, her mouth twisting further in total disgust, "That just shows that you only care about yourself, and yourself alone, if you cared the total opposite you would be doing whatever was in your power to bring him back and not give up on him."

"Very nicely put again second time round, Miss Lyra," Lee credited her again, the two once again exchanging smiles.

"And then in episode 2, when you dragged Barry along to that therapy session where you made him look like he was the bad guy for going into the Speedforce, and doing it where he couldn't defend himself without revealing his secret. What about that, hmm?" Sir Ian said.

"I was his fiance, a woman to be wed has every goddam right to take up where her future husband left off and help him and his team in every way possi-" Iris tried again.

"Woah, girl," Hester interrupted her, "You really do have a big mouth on you to be saying all that. Very naughty."

"Damn right there, Hester," Max agreed with her.

"And then in all the drama when the Earth X Nazis invaded the wedding, you said 'why would Nazis wanna attack MY wedding?'" Serafina took over again, "So it wasn't _our_ wedding, _yours and Barry's _wedding, just _your_ wedding, then? And later, when dear Professor Stein got shot and ended up at death's door, which could have been prevented from happening at all so easily in many different ways, you only cared about your honeymoon?" The witch queen shook her head, "I almost feel really sorry for your father and brother in ending up with a hypocrite of a daughter and sister like you."

"And now we have at last reached the current ongoing season," Iorek said, "You really think your future self was right to inhibit your own daughter Nora's speed when she was a younger child, do you?"

"And then of course, there's what you and Barry have just exchanged, and with just about the most appauling levels of absolute disgustingness the multiverse could ever have dreaded hearing, at STAR Labs," Aragorn Elessar concluded, folding his arms across his chest.

"Nora is _our_ daughter, not just his," Iris lashed out in defiance, "Barry took her back to the future without consolting me first, her _own mother_, when I want her to stay here in the present, not there. All she wanted to do was meet him, the father that she never knew-"

In an instant, Lee, who while the warry exchange of words had been going on had silently moved into a position next to Iris, drew his Colt with his right hand, thumbed back the hammer and aimed it at her, the tip of the gun's barrel actually resting on her cheek, the noise of the gun being cocked as well as the feel of steel against her skin forcing Iris to stop in an instant. "Let's not be too hasty, Miss West," Lee said calmly but with a hardness to his voice, "The way I see it, there ain't no need for a dust-up."

Iorek looked to Sir Ian. "I think it's time we took her to where we've arranged the real fun of the day, wouldn't you agree, Ian?" he asked in his usual growly voice.

Sir Ian nodded. "I think that is a good idea indeed, Iorek," he agreed. He reached behind him with his right arm, and when he brought it back out, and well and truly as if by total magic, Gandalf's gnarled wooden staff from the Hobbit film trilogy and the first Lord of the Rings had appeared in his hand. He looked between the two young Fanfictioners and the Golden Compass group. "Are we ready?" he asked them all, nods following, and Serafina bent down to retrieve her longbow from where it sat on the floor by her feet, "Here we go then." At that, Sir Ian chanted an incantation in Middle Earthen tongue, raised the staff and then slammed it down on the floor, a wave of white light erupting up and spreading out around them.

And suddenly, and to Iris's even bigger shock than ever before, they were standing on what seemed to be a large wooden dance stage, set in the open courtyard of an Indian temple, a giant richly decorated sculpture of the elephant god Ganesh dominating the background behind them. In front of the stage were gathered an audience of several dozen teenage boys and girls, the majority all dressed in Indian clothing, but at the front and wearing western clothing were who Max and Aragorn recognized as some of their fellow authors, as well as a very special Guest friend of theirs, Chaos Sorcerer, who also shared their deep hatred for both Iris and the West-Allen ship as a whole.

As soon as the group arrived, Max setting Tatsu down as they did so, the Japanese woman still keeping her left arm around his shoulders though, and at seeing Iris, the audience erupted in a roucos of boos and various jeers of whatever, as Jodie Whittaker's incarnation of the Doctor, dressed very much in her personally chosen outfit for the show, now came forward to welcome them. "Are we on time, Doctor?" Lyra asked as she slid off Iorek's back again, Pan still in her arms.

"I'd say you've hit the deadline exactly as per scheduled," the Doctor answered with a massive cheeky smile.

"Oh come come now, not forgetting me, are we now, boys and girls?" a man's voice suddenly echoed around, its source though nowhere at all to be seen. Except for the Golden Compass individuals, Tatsu, and Sir Ian, everyone else, Max and Aragorn included, and the Doctor reacted the same way, confusion, then disbelief and then jaw dropped wide eyed realization at just who it could only be.

"Where are you?" Max called out excitedly.

"Neutralized. Comin' to join ya. You can get excited now," the voice said, and a second later, in a flash of blue light Captain Jack Harkness himself, still dressed in his traditional Doctor Who outfit, even his jacket, materialized onto the stage. "Ha. Ya missed me, right?" he asked in great delight, arms spread out wide as great screams, cheers and gasps of sheer joy and disbelief erupted from the whole audience, Max and Aragorn and their fellow Fanfictioners. Even the Doctor remained where she was, frozen with the same disbelief as Jack, with a "Ha-ha" now ran up to her and engulfed her in a full on the mouth kiss before drawing back.

"Is that really you, Captain?" the Doctor asked, unable to take it all in still.

"Still cheeky. Regeneration can't change that," Jack answered, his massive smile not faltering in the least, "But man, do I love the new lady looks, blonde hair really goes with it all. Kind of distinguished, yet still sexy." He chuckled, "Oh come here." With that, he engulfed the Doctor in a huge hug before pulling back again, "How you been, Doctor?"

Without even waiting for an answer, he then turned to the gathered audience, "Are we ready, boys and girls? Ready to show Miss Very Naughty West-Allen here just what comes about for a girl like her who's broken the rules once too often?" Cheers and long shouts of "Yeah" followed in answer, applause as well. "Then let's get this party on the roll," Jack finished, looking to Sir Ian and exchanging nods with the older man. Sir Ian looked towards the great Ganesh sculpture.

"When you're ready, Mr Quill and brother of Thor," he called out. At once, and as the individuals from The Golden Compass, the Doctor and Captain Jack all stepped to the side, leaving Max, Tatsu, Aragorn and Iris centre stage, the tune of Guardians of the Galaxy song Come and Get Your Love began to play as Peter Quill aka Starlord, dressed in his traditional clothes from the movies, and Loki, adoptive son of Odin and brother of Thor, also wearing his usual Thor movie clothes and cape, came out from behind the sculpture, Peter holding a old fashioned radio in his right hand.

"Hail (hail) What's the matter with your head, yeah, Hail (hail) What's the matter with your mind, And your sign an-a, oh-oh-oh," Peter and Loki bellowed out together as they came dancing, bouncing, strutting and rocking along to the lyrics and music and onto the stage itself. The audience, Max, Tatsu and Aragorn did the same as Iris looked on in horror.

"Hail (hail), Nothin' the matter with your head, Baby, find it, come on and find it," Peter and Loki bellowed as they danced around Iris, wraggling their fingers right in her face as they sang, "Hail, with it, baby, 'Cause you're fine, And you're mine, and you look so divine." Max looked to Tatsu and Aragorn, who both shrugged as if to say "Why not?"

"Come and get your love," they and everyone roared as one, the audience, Peter and Loki, and now even Captain Jack, who decided to get in on the fun himself, holding up one fist like a mic at the same time, as together, Max, Tatsu and Aragorn slid gracefully across the wooden stage and onto the centre of the action, joining in the two rockers bonkers around a horrified Iris, "Come and get your love. Come and get your love. Come and get your love."

Iris fled towards the back of the stage, desperate to escape it all, but suddenly Rocket the Racoon came leaping onto the stage in front of her, a large futuristic looking space originated gun in his hands. "Oohhoo, I don't think so, Old Westy Allen," he said cheekily, aiming his weapon at Iris.

Hail (hail) What's the matter with you feel right," the singers bellowed, Loki sliding over to Iris, grabbing her by both arms and then propelling her back into the centre of the stage, "Don't you feel right baby, Hail, oh yeah." He, Peter, Max, Tatsu and Aragorn all closed in around Iris, cutting off all escape. "Get it from the main vine, all right, I said-a find it, find it, Go on and love it if you like it, yeah," they and the audience continued, the group on stage dancing backwards then forwards as they sang, Iris grasping her ears, begging for them to stop but not getting any response whatsoever as they all enjoyed themselves, "Hail (hail) It's your business if you want some, take some, Get it together baby."

The Golden Compass group and the Doctor watched all this with great amusement, happy to see their friends taking it all out on the Mary Sue, Lyra, Pan and Hester even rocking a little to it all themselves. "Come and get your love." As they started the second round of the chorus, the group of rocking six all raised their arms up and aimed them out in either the left or right, index fingers pointing into the air, then switched them alternatively with each of the lyrics that followed, "Come and get your love, Come and get your love, Come and get your love."

"Stop. Please, stop," Iris begged from where she had slumped to the floor, clutching her head which was now ringing from all the roucos racket.

"Oh, sorry, Miss West. What was that you say?" Loki shouted with a mocking grin as now he, Peter, Max, Tatsu, Aragorn, Captain Jack and the great audience began "Come and get your love, Come and get your love, Come and get your love, now," the singing six keeping up their rocking, dancing and strutting backwards and forwards, round and round Iris as they did so.

"We must've all gone a bit deaf in the ears," Peter shouted further. "Come and get your love, Come and get your love, Come and get your love, now."

"Come and get your love, Come and get your love, Come and get your love, now," the court almost shook to the sound of for the third time, "Come and get your love, Come and get your love, Come and get your love, now." As the fourth round ended, Peter raised a finger to a button on the radio, which he had managed to still keep ahold of in his hand throughout the whole thing, and pressed it. At once, the song switched to the song Oh Baby, I Love Your Way from Jumanji movies 2 and 3.

"Ooooh yeah," Max said, bouncing up and down for joy as the song began, Aragorn, Peter, Rocket and Captain Jack, still sporting great smiles on their faces, scurrying off to the side and rejoining Lyra, Pan, Lee, Hester, Serafina, Iorek, Sir Ian and the Doctor, leaving just Max, Tatsu and Loki on stage with Iris.

"Ooo, baby, I love your way, everyday, yeah yeah. Ooo, baby, I love your way, everyday."

"Hey, Tatsu. D'you like to dance?" Max asked. Tatsu needed no words in answer as she approached him, swaying her hips and shoulders in a very flirty manner. Meanwhile, Loki bent down in front of the almost sobbing Iris, hands still clutching the sides of her head tightly between them, and with a smirk and twinkle in his eyes reached out with a hand, fingers touching her forehead.

"Time to dance and die, little Iris," he said brightly. At once, Iris opened her eyes, saw him and then smiled brightly. When Loki straightened up, took her hand and pulled her to her feet, she didn't hesitate.

"Shadows grow so long before my eyes, And they're moving across the page, Suddenly the day turns into night," the lyrics of the song echoed from the radio as Tatsu came before Max, placed her gloved left hand on his shoulder and then moved, still swaying flirtingly, around him, helping to remove his black leather jacket, Max throwing it aside as she completed her turn and halted in front of him again, hands on his shoulders and rocking and rolling her hips in a very inviting manner, grinning with her tongue poking out between her teeth, and Max obliged it with relish delight by reaching round her and placing his hands on her bum.

"Far away from the city, Well, don't, ah no, hesitate, 'Cause your love just won't wait, yeah." Loki guided Iris, who appeared to be in a very high druken state, but was really the result of the magic spell he had put her under with the touch of his hand, holding her close, one hand interlaced with hers, the other over her shoulder, around the dance floor as the first lyrics played, then as the last "yeah" played and the chorus began, he placed his right foot on her chest and kicked it forward, propelling her away from him.

"Ooh, baby, I love your way, everyday, yeah, I wanna tell you I love your way, everyday, yeah, I wanna be with you night and day."

"Wooohh," Iris hollered, arms raised high as she rocked on her feet. "Yeah, Loki baby," she shouted, beckoning drunkenly with her hands as she walked towards him, "Come on, baby, let's dance."

"In your dreams, daughter of Detective West," Loki said harshly and performed a perfect forward flip, his left foot kicking her down to the floor. As he landed, the audience, the Golden Compass group, Sir Ian, the Doctor, Captain Jack, Peter, Rocket, Max and Aragorn all cheered or whooped.

"The moon appears to shine and light the skies, With the help of some fireflies, I wonder how they have the power to shine, I can see them under the pine."

"Hoohoohoohoo, you got some kicks there, baby," Iris laughed as she got back on her feet.

"Yeah? Well feel this one," Tatsu said, and as Max slipped his muscular left arm around her waist, allowing Tatsu to take his neck in a gentle headlock with her right, he ran forward and then swung he and her round to the left, Tatsu's left leg coming up in a high kick swing, her boot thudding into Iris's face and sending her forward to the floor again. Again, a great cheer and whoops erupted from everyone else.

"How's that for a little Tatsu Yamyshiry style kicky ass, huh?" Rocket asked humouredly, grinning slyly.

"But don't, no, no, hesitate, 'Cause your love won't wait."

"Absovalilutely not," Captain Jack bellowed, roars of laughter now following from all as Iris, still laughing drunken style, got back on her feet and lunged towards Tatsu, wrapping her arms round her. But Tatsu spun round in Iris's grip, headbutted her backwards, stamped down with her left foot on Iris's, elbowed her in the nose with her left elbow, and then bent down and slid on her back between Iris's open legs, kicking her hard in the butt with her left foot and sending her in the direction of Rocket.

"Ooh, baby, I love your way, everyday, yeah, I wanna tell you I love your way, everyday, yeah, I wanna be with you night and day, oh baby, oh baby, please, everyday."

"You said please, right, Westy?" Rocket shouted gleefully and willingly obliged Tatsu's kick in the butt gesture by blasting Iris with a stun blast from his gun, sending her flying back through the air, hollering "Woooooooooohhhhh" as she did so, arms out wide, straight towards Loki who jumped high and spun, kicking out with his left leg, foot landing in the small of Iris's back and propelling her forwards again, Rocket scampering to the right as she crashed back down for a third time onto the stage.

"I'd say so," Peter shouted, the audience and Max and Aragorn's fellow authors almost falling to the ground themselves, so much were their hysterics at that moment.

"And now I think it's time we ended it, don't you, dear Ian?" Lee asked Sir Ian.

"I agree with you, Lee," Sir Ian nodded, and as Iris climbed yet again back onto her feet, swaying dazedly from all the blows she had recieved, but still with that silly drunken smile on her face, Sir Ian and Loki approached her, Loki holding both his hands up in front of him, Sir Ian aiming his staff towards Iris.

"I can see the sunset in your eyes, Brown and grey, and blue besides, Clouds are stalking islands in the sun, I wish I could buy one out of season."

"Not today I'm afraid, dearest Iris," Loki smirked and recited something in ancient Asgardian, his voice increasing in volume until it even drowned out the still playing song. And then, behind Iris, a great flaming portal opened.

"But don't, no, no, no, hesitate, 'Cause your love won't wait, just won't wait."

"Go back to the shadow," Sir Ian thundered in his world famous Lord of the Rings and Hobbit character, drawing back both arms and then thrusting them and his staff out in Iris's direction. At once, and with a final hollering shout of "Wooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhh," Iris was sent hurling back and through the portal, disappearing into it, before Loki then chanted another incantation and it closed. The moment it did so, the great audience erupted in cheers, fist raised punching the air.

"And that is how you finish a Legends mission," Lyra shouted in great joy.

"I think it's more like 'good riddance to the max' mission," Jack answered back teasingly, sporting his traditional massive grin, laughter following again in response to that.

"Ooh, baby, I love your way, everyday, I wanna tell you I love your way (I wanna tell you I love your way), I wanna be with you night and day (everyday and every way)."

"Oh hey," Max spoke up, "Anyone wanna dance with the bride?" As everyone turned to him, Max nodded to Loki who now raised what looked Nora Darhk's Fairy Godmother wand in his right hand and, with a wide cheeky smirk, waved it in Tatsu's direction, and in an explosion of blue and white sparkles, Tatsu's red crop top, green shorts and brown boots were gone, the Japanese woman staring in shock at the white wedding dress she now wore.

"Ooh, baby, I love your way, I wanna tell you I love your way, I wanna be with you night and day, Ooh, baby, I love your way." As the song ended, and Peter turned the radio off, Max smiled at her.

"Well, Tatsu?" he asked, smiling broadly, "What say you?"

Tatsu nodded. "Of course," she answered, smiling big herself and lunging herself at him, arms going round his neck as Max wrapped her in his own arms, their lips meeting and kissing furiously as Tatsu pulled them to the floor, everyone who could clap applauding wildly, Pan mewing, Rocket and Iorek laughing.

* * *

**And there we are, folks. I hope you enjoy it so much and had a real laugh as much as I did. I'm sure you all successfully worked out where the different songs and characters all came from *wink*, lol. Once again, to the great Aragorn II Elessar, happy friendship anniversary to us, buddy, long may you hold your title of King of Fanfiction, and its greatest ever author of all time, for the months, and years too very hopefully, to come. I still can't thank you enough myself for all that you've given me in way of inspiration and confidence for my own stories.**

**And for me, it's now back to where I briefly left off with writing the next chapter to Katana and the Legends, thank you so much to those of you who have reviewed and also added it to your favourites or follows. So until next time, stay fresh, and adios amigos from Max/Flashraven**


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